While we were driving back from our weekend house on Sunday my cell phone rang. I couldn’t pick it up because I was driving, but I later saw that it was my brother overseas. Hmmm… what’s going on? He has been known to call me before, but it’s not all that often.
I call him back and we small-talk for a little while. I then ask if there’s anything in particular that’s going on and the reason for him calling. He tells me that they are pregnant. It’s really early – only 5 weeks – but they had just told our parents so he wanted to tell me too. Wow! I have to admit that I had a little trouble focusing on the details he was telling me, but from what I can remember I think it was their second attempt with frozen embryos from the cycle that resulted in my precious nephew a year and a half ago. Wow. I’m SO HAPPY for them and for me and for the whole family. It’s the most wonderful news and I congratulated them – cautiously… since it is early one can only hope and pray that things progress well at this point.
It also felt strange inside and on some level I felt envious of the additional chances that the frozen embryos give since we never had anything to freeze from both our cycles. All those doctors visits and painful treatments during such a long time and then not to have a single embryo to freeze was such a disappointment. And apparently I’m still sad about it; about not having been given that second chance that I felt I deserved. Well, it’s obviously not about getting what one deserves. I know that all too well. I think of all the wonderful people who want nothing more than a biological child of their own and who would make the most fantastic parents can end up with only disappointment and sadness. That’s just the way life work sometimes and there’s nothing fair about it. And there’s nothing to be done to change it. It’s so sad and so final.
I haven’t had any of these thoughts for quite some time now and it feels heavy inside my heart right now, for me, for myself and my own path. But I’m very, very happy for my brother and sister-in-law. It’s really nerve wrecking, though, because anything can happen at such an early stage. Cross your fingers and hope they are as lucky this time as they were a couple of years ago. Congratulations and hang in there!